Not Sure Yet
by Sabby13
Summary: High school is complicated and nobody's really sure of the best way to deal. Some people handle it better than others. Mary Anne isn't one of those people. (Sorry. I know, I've been letting this sit for a while. I'm going through and slowly updating the chapters before adding more. If you notice the differences, let me know what you think.)
1. Chapter 1: Mary Anne

**Title:** Not Sure Yet

**Author:** Sabby13

**Rating:** PG-13

**Disclaimer:** Not mine. All the characters and settings are based entirely on Ann M. Martin's series _The Baby-Sitters Club_. I just loved coming up with stuff for them in high school

**Feedback:** I know I've been letting this sit for awhile. Sorry about that. I'm going through and fine tuning some of the chapters before I add more. It's cheating I know, but I think the tweaks I've been making are better. Any feedback is appreciated, positive or constructive._  
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**Summary**: It's really scary when you finally start growing up and realize that life isn't always as easy as you thought. Having best friends and a loving family should be enough to help you get through things, right? That's what Mary Anne's hoping, anyway.

* * *

**CHAPTER 1: Mary Anne**

* * *

I have kind of a lot on my plate this year. At least, it feels like I do.

This is my senior year of high school. Even though I know Stoneybrook University isn't exactly a hard school to get into, scholarships are pretty competitive so my grades are a huge priority. I refuse and quite frankly, don't have a valid excuse, to get anything lower than an A minus in any of my classes. My dad and mom absolutely understand and as far as they're concerned, other than a family emergency, my grades come first.

I'm making sure to have plenty of extracurriculars too. I tutor every Monday and Wednesday. Whenever there's a dance, I always sign up for the decorating committee. I've even found a sport to participate in. Kristy says golf isn't a real sport but I think it's just because it's boring for her and she's not very good at it. Not that I'm good either but I'm not competitive so, for me, it's fun.

Sometimes, after school, I'll teach knitting classes at the art store in town. The pay is pretty decent, way better than if I was just a cashier or shelf stocker. I only have to work one or two nights a week, very rarely on the weekends and I get my schedule a month in advance. Claudia and I love my employee discount. I've used it to get her so much stuff, she says I'm her muse and when she becomes world famous, I'm going to get like seventy five percent of her profits. I love Claudia, and I think that's so sweet, but her math is a little off sometimes.

I really have the most amazing friends and I think it's so great that we're still here for each other. I mean, I've grown up with Claudia and Kristy. We're like boats that are tied to the same dock, every time it seems like we're drifting apart, there's some kind of pull that brings us back together. I don't think I'd be doing so well if I didn't have them within arm's reach.

I wish it was that easy with Stacey. Really, I do. I love her, of course. We've been friends for like 5 years but sometimes she just really tries my patience. I know it's something else that I need to work on because I feel like things should be a lot easier between us.

Things with Dawn are something else entirely.

Like I said, my parents understand how important school is for me and they're super supportive. Dawn on the other hand…

We just…

We're not as close as we used to be. I'd like to think it's because she's been going through so much lately and I can definitely understand why she needs her space. I just have to remind myself that she and I were friends even before our parents married and despite everything going on with her, we are family and sometimes things just take time to work through.

But yeah. I have so much going on right now, it can be a little overwhelming sometimes. There's been some days where I've been in a panic because of homework assignments and different obligations. If I wasn't on medication, I know I wouldn't be able to juggle it all.

Which, I'd like to think, is why I didn't respond very well to Cary Retlin asking me out on a date.

"Oh, come on, Mary Anne. It's just one date." Cary said as he walked me to first period. "It'll be something safe and boring like dinner and a movie and I _promise_ I'll be on my best behavior. No dine and ditch, no throwing gummy bears at people, no fire alarms…" He has a special grin that he uses when he knows he's being funny and he wants you to acknowledge it.

I purposely chose to ignore it.

He pursed his lips into a half pout. That one always makes the other girls giggle. Well, it makes Claudia and Stacey giggle. Kristy usually rolls her eyes and makes a snide comment about fixing his face with her fist. Usually, I admit it, I'll smile or laugh but I didn't want to seem encouraging, so I raised my eyebrow.

He rolled his eyes. He knew I was purposely being difficult.

"Come _oooon_." He whined. "You know you want to say yes. It'll be rad. We can even double date with Claud & Alan Gray, if you want…I guess." I bit my lip. He said that last part unwillingly. Obviously, he didn't really want them to come along. Is it conceited if I think he didn't want to share me with other people? I hope not but it still makes me feel guilty.

Here's the thing: Cary and I have been friends for a few years now. He moved here from Illinois back in the middle of eigth grade. And while we haven't actually _flirted,_ per se, it's never really been a secret that we like each other. Not like, _like _each other, like we want to suck each other's face off. We just…we like each other. Like, I think he's actually pretty sweet once you get past his bravado and I guess he sees something about me that makes him want to be nice. I mean right now, he was being adorable. That's not something Cary really does in public.

He's always making fun of people or playing pranks on them. I can't even tell you how many times he's gotten into fights with some of the "jocks" here. To me, that's silly because he's on a couple of teams with them. You'd think by now they'd get his sense of humor. And you'd think by now, he'd know their limits but I guess that's the thing about Cary, he's always pushing buttons.

"All joking aside," Cary said as he leaned against the lockers, blocking my classroom door. "We'd have fun." He smiled down at me and my stomach fluttered as our eyes locked. "We _always _have fun. Please?"

My face started burning and my stomach did a somersault. Despite my best efforts, I was smiling back. Even though I was trying so hard to mush my lips tightly, I could feel the yes on the tip of my tongue trying to push it's way out.

I ripped my eyes away from his and looked down at my shoes. My hair's thin and mousy brown and it's gotten so long that it's easy to kind of use it as a curtain over my face. I know it's dumb to hide, I just couldn't look at him. My heart was beating so hard, it felt like it was going to break out of my ribcage.

"I can't." I said it quietly, like that would make it less painful. "I'm so sorry. I just…" I tried to think of whether or not to explain myself. I shook my head. No, I didn't. If I didn't want to date, I didn't have to. "I'm not really ready for that yet."

I tried to walk around him to get to my class but he grabbed my wrist.

"Mary Anne…Just, please give me a chance?"

I couldn't help but look up at him. Cary's tall now. He's around six feet and he has blonde hair and blue eyes. I wouldn't say he looks like a movie star but if you didn't know he was from Illinois, it'd be easy to think he was a surfer.

I dropped my eyes before I started blushing again. "It's not really a good time right now, okay?" I muttered lamely. "Can we just drop it?"

He let go of my wrist and pulled on the backpack strap on his shoulder. "Obviously, I didn't mean right now." He grinned. "Cafeteria food and a history documentary about the fifty-whatevereth president isn't really my idea of romance." He looked around nervously and then dropped his voice before adding. "I was kinda thinking, at the very least, I could get you a classy meal at McDonalds."

Okay, that actually did make me smile. Which made him grin. "I'll even let you order something that's not on the Dollar Menu." He reached forward and pushed some of my hair away from my face. I started as his fingers brushed lightly against my ears.

_Nope. Not doing it. Get away. Get away. Run away, now. _My instincts were practically screaming at me. "I can't." I said quickly. I clutched my books tightly to my chest and took a step away from him. The smart thing to do would be to duck into my class, but I needed to get away from him, right now. "Please, don't ask me again."

I turned and walked as quickly as I could to the nearest girls' bathroom. I knew the bell was going to ring any minute. I was counting on it to give me a little more privacy. Sure enough, it rang as soon as I stepped into the bathroom.

All the last minute stragglers rushed past me to get to class. I had the bathroom all to myself. I put my books on the floor by the sink and looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were already shining. I blinked quickly willing my tears to not come out but I could feel the pain in my chest trying to push them out and my nose was turning redder by the second. I took deep breaths while running a paper towel under cold water. As I dabbed at my face with the towel, I reminded myself that crying would smear my mascara, which would mess up my concealer, which would then make me have to redo everything.

But it was already five minutes after the bell rang. I was either late or about to skip class. I felt so guilty for turning Cary down, especially since we both knew there was no real reason for me to say no.

I shook my hands out in front of me and ordered myself to not cry. I could do this. I was a mature and responsible person. I didn't need to cry over every little thing. In fact, I hadn't cried over anything in months. The last thing I should be doing was crying about a boy. I didn't have to feel guilty about the hurt look on Cary's face. I wasn't being selfish. I had every right in the world to not date someone if I didn't want to. It was my life. These were my feelings. This was my heart. I was protecting it the best I could.

But my chest hurt so bad and before I realized it, the tears were pouring and I was sobbing. Did it matter that I was breaking my own heart? It had to be better than taking the chance of someone else breaking it, right?

I told myself it did. At least, I _knew_ I was doing this for my own good.


	2. Chapter 2: Claudia

**Chapter 2: Claudia**

* * *

"Oh my lord..." I said as I buried my face in my hands. "Please tell me you're joking." I looked at my boyfriend, hoping it was just some really lame prank he was pulling.

Alan is all about the cheesy pranks. We've been dating for years now and even though I know it gets on other people's nerves (_cough_Kristy_cough_), his sense of humor is still one of my favorite things about him.

That and the look he gets when he's caught doing something he shouldn't be.

It's adorable. He gets this like, wide eyed "who me?" look and he starts fidgeting like a little kid who has to go to the bathroom. It makes him a super cute but horrible liar. Alan will never win a Grammy award, his acting sucks so bad.

He shrugged guiltily and tapped his pen against his textbook. "Sorry, babe. Cary spent all last period crying to me about it. He said she pretty much ran away from him as fast as she could and seeing as how she's not really the kinda person that skips class…" He shrugged again and gave me a half smile. "At least now we know I'm not the dumbest kid in school."

I sighed and rubbed at my forehead. "No, Cary definitely wins that title." I plopped my face down into my textbook.

I was exhausted. I'd been up all night working on this sculpture for a contest at school instead of studying for my history exam. The exam Alan and I were about to take whenever Ms. Sallaman showed up. The last thing I needed right now was the added stress of knowing that Mary Anne was on campus somewhere having a nervous breakdown. The girl takes things way too seriously sometimes. Not everything is life or death but, for some reason, she always treats it like it is.

"Poor Mary Anne. She's probably freaking out in the girls' bathroom." I mumbled.

"Um…I can't really understand you when you talk into your textbook." Alan said. "Remember, babe? Enunciate. That's your word for the day. But if it's something in regards to you killing Cary, painless or not, I'm not helping you. So maybe it's better that you didn't enunciate, then I can't be booked as an accomplice."

I jerked my head up in surprise. "What? Why wouldn't you help me kill him?" I asked. "You know he screwed up. You told him asking Mary Anne out was a bad idea. You said it was..." I paused to remember his words, " 'worse than inviting Stephen King to a dance.' I remember cuz you had to explain to me that Stephen King is paralyzed and can't move."

"i said Stephen Hawking." Alan corrected me. "And yeah, it was really dumb of Cary but you know what they say..." He paused and looked at me expectantly.

I just gave him a look.

"Bros before hoes, babe." Alan said. "I'm pretty sure it's in the bro code that a bro must stick up for another bro when the second bro is following his heart and I don't want Neil Patrick Harris showing up with his pet unicorn to stab me through the skull." He sighed. "Unfortunately, my hands are tied."

I raised an eyebrow. "First of all, Mary Anne's not a hoe and if you ever call her or any of my other friends a hoe again—"

"Even Stacey?" He asked innocently.

I glared at him. "Especially Stacey!" I exclaimed. "Why would you even think-" I sighed. "We're not going there, okay? I'm tired, I can't think well right now. Stop calling my friends hoes or else I'm not coming over for our tv marathons anymore. You quote Neil Patrick Harris way too much as it is."

Alan snorted. "Yeah, cuz there's such a thing as too much NPH."

I had no idea what NPH was but I figured it was another _How I Met Your Mother_ joke, so I chose to ignore it. "I'm serious, Alan! You need to be nice to my friends!"

He gave me his hurt puppy face look. "I'm nice to your friends." He said. "I'm always respectful of women and their feelings. Well, except for Kristy's, but she doesn't really count."

I giggled. I couldn't help it. Alan's so freaking adorable.

"Ha! I knew you couldn't resist me." He leaned in and kissed me. It was short and sweet and I couldn't help smiling even bigger. I suddenly felt wide awake, like I'd just gotten 100 cups of coffee.

I rested my chin in my hand and smiled at him. "You are, without a doubt the biggest dork alive." I said. I leaned in for another kiss. "I love you so much."

He grinned back at me and leaned in. Our lips just barely brushed –

"Mr. Gray, Ms. Kishi, am I going to have to separate you two?"

We both jumped.

Ms. Sallaman was standing in the front of the class, glaring at us.

"No ma'am." I mumbled. My face got super hot. We sit in the last row, so _everyone _had to turn around to look when she was talking to us. I could feel everyone's eyes on me. I'm used to attention for my clothes, not because the History teacher is yelling at me and my boyfriend for making out in class.

Unfortunately, Alan lives for attention of any kind. "Sorry, Ms. S." He said with a bright smile. "We were just going over our French exam."

I sank down in my seat as the class started to giggle. I could not believe he was doing this.

"I'm pretty sure Claudia got an A but I might still need some tutoring." He pretended to be embarrassed and looked at me for back up.

I glared at him. _Shut up._ I thought angrily, praying he could read my mind.

"Well," Ms. Sallaman said in a very unamused tone. "I think you should stay after school today to study by yourself, in detention."

"That won't really work," Alan said quickly, "I mean, you need a French partner to conjugate verbs with and—"

"I think I'll make it two days." She said as she walked to her desk. "And I'm not going to embarrass Ms. Kishi anymore by having you as her partner." She looked around the room. "Ms. Blumberg, switch seats with Mr. Gray please."

Erica Blumeberg and her partner, Gillian, looked at each other. They both turned to glare at Alan but Erica got up and headed for our table.

"Ms. Sallaman—" Alan protested as he stood up.

"Take your new seat or I'll give you three days detention." She said.

Alan gave me his guilty face. "Sorry." He said softly as he stepped back to let Erica take his seat.

I just shook my head and looked down at my textbook. As he walked to the front of the class to sit next to Gillian, I thought about how this was one of the few times I didn't think he was adorable.


	3. Chapter 3: Stacey

**Chapter 3: Stacey**

* * *

I've been thinking I should write a book. I think I'd call it _Stacey's Rules for Dating High School Boys_.

_ Rule #1: Don't._

_ Rule #2: If you do decide to date one, make sure it's not an ex. Especially a cheating little shit like Robert Brewster._

"…I was so mad I couldn't even speak to him." Claudia was saying. "I mean who does that, Stacey? Who?"

I shrugged and grabbed one of the pizzas from the window in front of me. "Alan Gray?" I guessed. Honestly, I had no idea what Claudia was talking about but she was pretty steamed so I was ninety-nine percent sure it had something to do with Alan Gray. They've been dating since freshman year and Claudia still hasn't learned that he's just a big dork. Not that learning is a particular strength of hers, but come on! It's been almost four years, she should have some kind of clue by now.

"I just wish he'd stop being such an attention whore." Claudia said. "Why does he need _everybody_ to laugh at him? Why can't he just be okay with knowing that I think he's funny?"

I handed the lunch lady my money and we started walking to the table. "I don't know, Claud." I said. "I guess it's just how his brain is wired."

"But, why? It doesn't make sense!" Claudia said. As she started another Alan Gray tirade I thought about another rule for my book.

_Rule #3: When choosing a high school boy, don't pick the class clown. They're always looking for attention. _

Maybe I'd dedicate a chapter to each rule. Even though the rules seem succinct and self-explanatory, to me, a lot of girls just lack the common sense and/or confidence needed to follow them.

Take Claudia for example: She is without a doubt one of the hottest girls at school. She could literally have any guy she wants. Instead, she chooses to put all of her energy into Alan Gray.

Alan _freaking_ Gray.

The only reason he doesn't still stick yellow m&m's in his eyes is because once he explained the joke to Claudia he realized it was dated. Nobody reads Little Orphan Annie comics. I don't even think they come in Bazooka Joes anymore. I don't even think they _make_ Bazooka Joe anymore.

But that's Alan Gray. He's dated and corny.

It's like he's escaped from the eighties. For example, today he was wearing dark purple skinny jeans, a white collared shirt, a black tie, and his black Converse sneakers. As soon as the bell rings and he's safely off campus, I know he's going to put on his stupid black fedora. And it's not like, this was a fluke and he just decided to dress like a member of Kids Incorporated today. That's basically what he wears everyday, except the skinny jeans are usually different colors and once it starts getting colder he's going to start wearing a leather jacket. It's like he can't decide if he wants to be rockabilly or Justin Timberlake so he settled for just being tall and awkward and cheesy. And not in a cute Andy Sandberg way either. In an annoying, uncool, Alan Gray way.

I looked at Claudia. She was also wearing a long white collared shirt and a black tie but she had on a hot pink sweater vest, and dark purple leggings. She was wearing her black converse boots that laced all the way up to her knees. She had on about a million silver bracelets and pink lightning bolt and silver skull earrings. She had pulled her long black hair into a side bun and she looked SO good. She looked classy and cool, which I know sounds weird since I just said she was wearing hot pink and purple, but it's Claudia.

Last year, for Halloween, she literally wore a plain paper bag and black flats. None of the guys could take their eyes off of her. Granted, the paper bag was pretty short but the point is, the whole night Alan Gray basically had to follow her around everywhere because of all the guys who kept trying to hit on her. And really, even with him standing next to her (with his arm around her shoulder), guys still didn't get the hint. Logan Bruno had to step up and say something to one guy because when Alan Gray tried to say he didn't appreciate his girlfriend being gawked at, the guy almost punched him.

Claudia could do so much better.

But instead, I was spending my lunch listening (well, pretending to listen) to her complain about how he humiliated her _again._

We sat down and I patted Claudia's arm consolingly. "That sucks really bad, Claud. Maybe you should just end things with him." I said as I picked up my pizza. "He's always doing stupid things like that, I mean, why do you even bother?" Honestly, I don't know what the stupid thing was, but it was always something stupid. And she really deserved someone better.

But did she thank me for my insight and well meaning advice? No. Instead, she gave me a look, like I'd just told her to shoot a baby and wear it as a hat. "I'm not breaking up with Alan just because he's an immature clown." She said. "That's what makes him Alan Gray." She shook her head, "I just wish he'd stop being so desperate for attention."

I rolled my eyes and tried to change the subject before she started repeating herself again. "So, I broke up with Robert this morning." I said as I took a bite of my pizza.

Instead of being shocked, Claudia rolled her eyes. "Wow. That was fast." She said dryly. "How long did you guys date? Two weeks? I thought you were in _luuuvvv_."

I glared at her. "We dated for a month." I said as witheringly as I could. "I'm sorry I can't overlook the fact that he's a cheating little shit. I know that's what makes him Robert Brewster, but it's not exactly an endearing quality."

"Wait, when did he cheat on you?" Claudia asked. "I thought you guys spent all weekend together."

"We did." I said. "But I was on his facebook page yesterday and I noticed he had a lot of messages from some girl named Ally. Apparently, they spent the summer together and they're still keeping in touch."

Claudia frowned. "Okay, I can get why you'd be jealous but that doesn't necessarily mean he's cheating on you. Maybe they're just friends."

I shook my head. "I don't want to hear it, Claud. I've already made up my mind. Things just weren't going well. I want to be with someone who gives me butterflies not makes me sick to my stomach. I just couldn't trust him."

Claudia nodded. 'That makes sense." She paused for a second then raised an eyebrow at me. "Wait a minute. You never just break up with a guy." She eyed me suspiciously. "What's his name?"

I widened my eyes in surprise. "What are you talking about?"

"Stacey McGill, I know you too well to believe you just broke up with Robert without another guy lined up. Who is it?"

I laughed. "Claud, there's really not another guy. I'm officially single for the first time in…gosh, what's it been? Four years?" I smiled and leaned back in my seat. "We'll see how long that lasts though." I felt pretty proud of myself actually. I had a couple of ideas for replacements but I figured I'd wait it out a bit first to see who'd make the best offer.

"How long what lasts?" Kristy said as she threw her lunch down on the table.

"Stacey is officially single." Claudia said with a laugh. "She and Robert broke up this morning."

Kristy raised an eyebrow, "Already? Didn't you guys just start dating last week?"

"We dated for a month!" I said indignantly.

Kristy shrugged and took a large bite of her pizza. "Whatever." She said with her mouth full. "Sam's not coming home until Christmas break and he said something about bringing home some girl named Allysa, so I know you guys aren't back together.

_Rule #4: Don't date your friend's brother. You always find out more information than you want._

I tossed my hair behind my shoulder and pretended that the news didn't make bother me. "I don't care." I said, probably a bit too haughtily. "Sam and I broke up years ago, we've both moved on, obviously."

Claudia and Kristy exchanged some kind of look that I wasn't supposed to notice. So I ignored it.

"I think this Friday we should have a girls' night to celebrate my freedom. " I said. "We'll have a Sex and the City marathon, my mom can make us cosmos, it'll be a fun little sleepover!"

Claudia shook her head. "I can't. Alan and I are going to a concert out in Stanford."

Kristy shrugged. "I would, but I'm pretty sure me and Bart are gonna be making out." She grinned and showed off a partially masticated slice of pizza. "I think his parents are going out of town, so it's gonna be just the two of us." She wagged her eyebrows at us. "And we've been going steady for like six months now. That's about the right time frame to start putting out right?"

My jaw dropped.

Claudia didn't seem as surprised. "I guess, if you really want to." She said. "I mean, Alan and I have been dating since freshman year, we still haven't."

Kristy snorted. "Well, yeah. It's Alan Gray. I don't know how you can even deal with him kissing you."

Claudia frowned. "I'm surprised that Bart's willing to kiss you considering how much food you usually have stored in your mouth."

Kristy grinned. "I keep it in there so he has something to snack on besides my face."

Claudia and I groaned. "You're disgusting!" I took a sip of my water. Listening to Kristy talk about her plans with Bart was leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. I couldn't tell if it was bile, like I'd just thrown up a little bit because I was so grossed out or just resentment. Maybe it was both.

How the hell was it even possible that Kristy Thomas would lose her virginity before me?

She just discovered boys, like really discovered them, last year. And it wasn't so much that she discovered them. Her hormones just kicked in one day and she suddenly realized that making out with Cary Retlin was more fun than watching baseball.

I shook my head. This was surreal.

Claudia is hotter than Krisy.

I'm definitely hotter than Kristy.

Even _Mary Anne_ is hotter than Kristy and she's going through this stupid martyr phase where she refuses to even consider looking at guys.

Any one of us could have traded in our v-cards by now but no, it was going to be Kristy. Life was so unfair.

Speaking of Mary Anne…I looked around the cafeteria. She still hadn't shown up and lunch was almost over. "Where's Mary Anne?" I asked. "Did she come to school today?"

Claudia looked at Kristy. Kristy shrugged and gulped down the last slice of pizza. "I think she wasn't feeling well," she said lightly. "I guess Morgan has colic or is colic or whatever and it's been messing up her sleep. She's probably trying to catnap in the library or something."

"Colic?" I winced. "Ugh. That's gotta suck. Jessi said when Squirt had it he cried for hours on end. Poor Mary Anne."

Both of the other girls looked uncomfortable. "Yeah…" Claudia said. "You know, maybe I should go check on her? Make sure she doesn't sleep through the next class?"

Kristy shook her head. "I talked to her already. She really just wants to nap, y'know?" There was a weird look that Kristy gave Claudia.

Claudia frowned but nodded. "I guess so. I just wish she'd stop taking things so seriously."

Kristy shrugged. "You know Mary Anne. Everything's _always _her fault."

Claudia rolled her eyes. "Right. It's all her fault not the dumbass that couldn't take a hint."

"What are you guys talking about?" I asked. It was weird listening to their conversation because they were obviously talking about something other than Morgan's colic. They've been doing that a lot lately, leaving me out of conversations. And they expect me not to notice.

Claudia shook her head. "It's nothing."

"Obviously, it's something." I said.

"Son of a bitch." Kristy scowled. "Why the hell are they coming over here?"

Claudia and I both turned to look as Cary and Alan Gray walked up to the table.

Claudia glared at them. "Lunch is almost over." She said curtly. "If you want to sit here give us a minute to leave."

Alan did this sad face thing that I think he thought was cute. It wasn't.

But Claudia seemed to think it was. She relaxed a little bit.

"We just came by to do some damage control." He said sheepishly. He dropped down to his knee, grabbed Claudia's hand and placed it against his heart. "I'm so sorry, Claud. Please don't dump me. I promise to stop embarrassing you in public."

"You mean, by not making a public spectacle of yourself like you're doing right now?" Kristy asked sarcastically.

I looked around. About half the cafeteria had stopped what they were doing to look at our table. I rolled my eyes but made sure to sit up a little straighter.

Alan stuck his tongue out at Kristy then turned back to Claudia. "Yes. I promise this is the last spectacle I'll make of us. Just please, forgive me? Please?" He widened his eyes and tried to give Claudia a lost puppy look.

Claudia smiled. "You're lucky you're so cute." She said as she leaned down to kiss him.

Just like that, their fight was over. Unreal.

The grin on Alan's face was ginormous. "I'm lucky I have you." He said as he plopped down into the seat next to Claudia. He didn't let go of her hand and as soon as he was comfortable he pulled her close to him and started kissing her cheek, her neck, her forehead.

It was disgusting.

"I think I'm going to lose my lunch." Kristy said loudly.

I took another gulp of water and turned my back to them before I threw up for possibly the second time. Cary just stood there awkwardly.

"Did you want to have a seat?" I asked. I didn't turn around to look but I nodded my head towards Claudia & Alan. "I'm pretty sure the ban has been lifted."

I patted the empty space next to me, then twirled my hair and tilted my head towards him.

_Rule #5: Always pick the hot guy. Even if it doesn't work out, at least you have him on your resume._

Cary is definitely a hottie.

He's tall, blonde, and gorgeous. He's got this sexy bed head thing going on, like he was busy surfing or wrestling bears or something and just didn't have time to fix his hair. He had on a white long sleeved shirt, a blue t-shirt over that, and regular fitted jeans. Not skinny jeans, but jeans that actually fit properly. And Converse sneakers. Every guy in school wears Converse sneakers now, but Cary is quite possibly the first guy I've ever known to make them look sexy. And his eyes are the most amazing shade of blue.

I smiled up at him and he shrugged. He looked over my shoulder, probably at Claudia & Alan and seemed to consider his option. But then his gaze fell on Kristy and I saw his jaw set.

_Rule #6: If the guy used to hook up with one of your friends, make sure they're never around each other or it'll ruin your chances._

"Relax, Retlin." Kristy said. "I'm leaving." She glared at him. "I have a mess I have to go clean up."

Cary laughed. "Really? Why am I not surprised?"

"Actually, big shock," Kristy said. "It's another mess you caused. You just can't ever leave things alone can you?"

Cary bristled. "So, it doesn't actually concern you then does it, Thomas? Why don't you just butt out? I cleaned up the last mess without your help, didn't I?"

Kristy opened her mouth. She was about to go off on him and I tried to think of some way to distract them. But then, surprisingly, she shut her mouth.

I looked at Claudia and Alan, to see if they had noticed.

They were both staring wide-eyed at Kristy. They had definitely noticed.

We looked at Cary to see what he'd say.

If anything, it seemed to piss him off more. "You know what? Fuck this." Cary said. "_I'm _leaving. I don't need your shit."

The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch.

Kristy stomped off one way. Cary went the other.

Alan Gray, Claudia, and I just sat there for a minute.

"Well, that was overly dramatic." Alan Gray said. "I feel like we were watching a soap opera. Maybe I should start packing popcorn."

Claudia giggled and snuggled in closer to him. "You're such a dork." She said leaning in to kiss him again.

I rolled my eyes and stood up to leave. "You are without a doubt the dumbest guy in the school." I said as I stood up.

"Hey!" Claudia and Alan Gray said at the same time.

"I'll have you know, Cary officially won that title!" Alan Gray called after me. "Me and Claudia put it to a vote."

I stomped off, irritated. Something was going on with my "friends" and they were purposely leaving me out of it. Claudia was settling for one of the dorkiest guys in school and was actually happy with it. And me? I was trying to pick up _Kristy's _leftovers.

Carey had the right idea. I didn't need this shit.


	4. Chapter 4: Kristy

_Author's Note: So, yeah, this chapter's kinda...not really meant for younguns. Thirteen year old Kristy was smart and left the room. You probably should too.  
_

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**Chapter 4: Kristy**

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Dude, for reals. I'm completely addicted to Bart Taylor.

I know, I know. Kristy Thomas, boy crazy? It doesn't sound even remotely plausible.

Thirteen year old Kristy wouldn't understand.

I don't even think fifteen year old Kristy would get it.

Sixteen year old Kristy kinda had the general idea of it.

But me, now? Seventeen year old Kristy?

Something in my brain just clicked. Not only do I get it, I am all up in it.

Literally.

"Fuck." Bart said with a sigh. I was sitting in his lap, completely wrapped around him. He had been squishing me against him while we were making out. Thirteen year old Kristy would have been grossed out and made jokes about how he was sucking my mouth off of my face. Or at the very least, she would have been trying to figure out how it was possible for either of us to breathe.

I still don't get the exact science of it. But it's awesome.

He shoved me off of him and scrubbed at his face with his hands. "You're going to kill me, Thomas. You're going to fucking kill me and my parents are going to be so embarrassed about how I died and they'll make up some bogus story for my obituary and—"

He tends to ramble after we've made out for a couple of hours. I think it's his way of _cooling down_, if you get what I mean.

Thirteen year old Kristy would be snickering right now.

I honestly wasn't even really paying attention to anything he was saying. His hands were waving around as he spoke and all I could think was that they weren't touching me. He has like these stubby thick fingers and his hands are rough and scratchy from football practice and the batting cages and wrestling and basketball and hiking, and like all the million other sports and outdoorsy stuff he does. They're _manly_ and tough and when they're not touching me, I feel pissed and irritated cuz my insides are tying themselves into knots.

He kept rambling about something. I don't know. His mouth was moving but it wasn't actually on me and looking at him was giving me these weird painful feelings like someone was grabbing my intestines and squishing them. I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him onto me. His mouth was on mine and his hands were under my bra and my legs were wrapped around him and I should probably not be pulling his hair as hard as I was but he was digging it and my brain just totally shut down. I don't even know what happened next. There were just sighs and moans and his hands were on my skin and our jeans were getting in the way and I couldn't get him close enough to me. It's like the more he kissed me and touched me the better I felt but at the same time, the knots were getting tighter and tighter and I was getting more irritated and I'd scratch at his back or he'd pull my hair and we'd shove each other then pull each other closer. There was biting and cussing and it was all SO frustrating because it wasn't even enough.

And then he bit my nipple.

"SON OF A BITCH!" I exclaimed. I shoved him as hard as I could and grabbed my left boob.

I looked down worriedly. It was still attached, thank God. But it stung so bad.

"Why would you try to bite off my nipple?" I asked, completely confused. I couldn't understand where my clothes had gone. My clothes had been on a second ago, I was sure of it.

I was sitting on Bart's bed, clutching my injured boob, in just the boyshorts that Stacey made me buy when Victoria's Secret was having a sale. She had said that no girl in her right mind made out with boys in cotton panties from Wal-Mart. Which I didn't get why. Bart never really pays attention to my underwear or asks me where I bought them.

But now, sitting on his bed, in nothing but my underwear? I have to admit, I'm glad they're not my normal granny panties.

I looked up at Bart. He was wearing regular cotton boxers. Thirteen year old Kristy wanted me to ask him where he'd bought them. She also had her hands tightly covering her eyes cuz oh my gosh, she was in Bart's room and he was almost naked. And worst of all, she was almost naked! But she had real boobs now so, that was kinda cool, but oh my Lord! A boy was actually looking at her boobs. For someone who couldn't even say _bra_ in front of a boy, this was kind of traumatizing.

Bart was looking at my boobs the way Claudia looks at half priced art supplies or Halloween candy that's been marked down seventy five percent. At least, I think it was my boobs. Maybe it was the Victoria's Secret underwear.

He shrugged and his face was flushed. Actually, it wasn't just his face. It was his whole body. His neck, his chest, even his arms were all this bright red like he was embarrassed. Except he so wasn't. "It deserved it." He said.

And he tackled me.

I don't really know what happened after that. It was more kissing and a lot more biting and his hands (which, by the way, are the most amazing thing ever!) all over me and grabbing my boobs and just…it was awesome.

Thirteen year old Kristy did not belong here. She had run out of the room scared shitless.

The last coherent thought I had was that I had to get him back. You don't just try to bite off my nipple without punishment. But my brain was clouding over and the only thing I could think of doing was sticking my hand down his shorts and getting a firm grip on his junk.

He gasped and completely stopped whatever he was doing. His eyes widened and he looked at me in shock.

I smirked.

Here's the thing: Bart and I generally go kinda crazy with the whole making out thing. I mean, obviously, considering I was in my underwear now and had no idea how that had even happened. But one thing we don't do is touch his stuff.

I've never really felt a penis before. Well, I've _felt _one. You spend enough time making out like the last ounce of oxygen is in Bart's lungs, you're gonna feel it at one point or another. I've never actually handled one before though.

I know it seems weird. But for Bart, it's normal. All the girls at his school are kinda high maintenance prudes who give out hand jobs and head as special treats for taking them out to fancy restaraunts or buying them Louis Vuitton.

I'm not a hooker. And I don't see the point in doing things that don't directly benefit me. So, I don't. The one time Cary tried to talk me into giving him a blowjob I laughed in his face and told him to get out of my car, he could just walk home.

And now I was sitting in Bart's room, in my Victoria's Secret boyshorts, with my hand down Bart's (Wal-Mart? Target?) boxers.

I didn't really know what I was supposed to do.

And I wanted to actually see it.

This was dangerous territory.

We looked at each other.

"It's really smooth." I said. I didn't really know what else to say. I loosened my grip and ran my hand along it, just to kinda figure it out.

Bart did this weird gasping thing.

"Should I have not done that?" I asked.

He pulled his boxers down and I got a pretty good luck at it. And he took my hand and showed me how to touch it and for something that doesn't directly benefit me, it was kinda hot. Kinda really hot.

And the knots were suddenly back and tighter than ever. But making out, with me touching him like that was amazing. Except for some reason, it was making me feel like I was cramping and I was jealous. He was enjoying himself, obviously. And it was cuz of me, obviously. But it was still really irritating.

"My arm hurts." I said.

"So switch to the other hand."

I rolled my eyes. " It's boring." I lied.

He laughed. "It's not for me."

I pushed him.

"Hey!" He pushed me back. And we were wrestling suddenly. I was in my Victoria's Secret underwear wrestling with a naked Bart Taylor.

Then it just got weird. Not really weird, but it was definitely not something that I know how to explain. At one point my underwear came off. And there was no magic moment like in the cheesy chick flicks that Mary Anne used to make me watch all the time. There was no looking deeply into each others eyes. There were no sweet nothings whispered to each other.

Bart called me a dicktease.

I'm not really sure what my reply was. I know there was a lot of cussing. And we were clumsy. And I should have been grossed out by how slimy this seemed but oh my Lord…I almost punched him at one point because he accidentally slipped out and it was the equivalent of him ripping my guts out.

When it comes to Bart Taylor, I have no self control.

I needed to keep his mouth on me. His hands had to be touching me constantly. I needed there to be almost no space between us and even now, with him literally inside of me, it still wasn't close enough.

And suddenly he just stopped and rolled off of me. I was cold and naked and nowhere near done with him.

"That's not it, is it?" I asked. I tried not to sound panicked. Kristy Thomas doesn't panic.

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Seriously?" He lay back in his pillows and wrapped an arm around me. Like he wanted to cuddle or something.

I punched him. "Bart!"

He glared at me. "Give me a minute." He said.

"Hurry up!" I said.

I sat on him and leaned down to kiss him, hoping that'd get him up and going again. He ran his hands up and down my back and I shivered and kissed him more.

"Holy crap, Thomas. You're going to fucking kill me, you know that?" he said with another sigh.

I found this spot on his neck and nibbled at it. "There's worse ways to die." I pointed out. "I mean, come on, sexing to death at seventeen?" I smirked. "That's a whole lot of sex."

And that started round two.


	5. Chapter 5: Dawn

Chapter 5: Dawn

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I hate my life.

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

All Morgan does is scream. All day. Everyday.

Unless he's eating or sleeping.

Getting him to sleep is almost impossible.

I know it's not his fault he has colic. It's probably mine.

I don't see why though. I took my prenatals everyday. I only eat all natural, whole foods and organic vegetables when I can find them. I drink soy milk and I quit smoking pot the day I left L.A. I guess if I had known I was pregnant before I left I would have quit sooner but whatever. You can't change the past, you just have to keep moving towards the future. And that is what I'm doing.

I'm always tired now. And my hair is starting to fall out.

Nobody gets how hard this is.

My mom thinks she does because she had two kids but she also had a housekeeper, a husband, and she was out of college. She has no idea how embarrassing it is to be another statistic of teenage pregnancy. She has no idea how hard it is knowing that you're completely on your own because the douchebag that knocked you up is a spoiled rich kid who wouldn't know responsibility if it kicked him in the face. The father of her children still tries to take care of his kids. He has a job and he's actually a really good dad.

It's SO frustrating not being able to call Jason up and just tell him. I called him once and he was all, "Hey Dawn! We're having the most bitchingest party ever tonight! You should totally come! We're fundraising for the next PETA protest!"

I'd been out of the state for almost a month already. But of course, he wouldn't have noticed.

The unfairness of it is that Sunny sleeps with like every surfer that tells her she's beautiful. EVERY SINGLE ONE. Some of them haven't bathed in forever. You can smell the b.o. on them. But she just takes a couple extra chugs out of her flask and goes for it.

The one guy I date, the son of one of Maggie's dad's friends, who has graduated school early and is on his way to UC Berkeley to major in Environmental Science (and is going to have his dad produce a documentary on the effects of unfamiliar microbacteria in the Amazon river), gets me knocked up after we've been dating for over six months.

I can't even say the sex was good. Half the time I was stoned out of my mind and not even really sure what was going on.

And now I have a screaming two month old. I can't leave the house. I can't go to school. I wake up to his screaming.

I do love him. I know I do.

But I'm so tired. I just want to sleep. And nobody gets it.


	6. Chapter 6: Logan

**Title:** Not Sure Yet

**Author:** Sabby13

**Rating:** PG-13

**Disclaimer:** Not mine. All the characters and settings are based entirely on Ann M. Martin's series _The Baby-Sitters Club_. I just loved coming up with stuff for them in high school

**A/N:** I know it's been years since I updated. Hopefully people are still interested? I promise I've actually been working on more chapters for this story. It's just taking a really long to write them all out. Thanks everyone for the reviews!

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**Chapter 6: **Logan

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Over the last few years Mary Anne and I have established some pretty basic rules. It's nothing we've ever really talked about. Talking about it, would make it a thing. And we do not have a thing.

The main rule we have is to never hang out unless we absolutely have to. We don't want anyone getting the wrong idea.

But of course when my mom asks me and Hunter's _favorite _babysitter to help plan his birthday party, neither of us can say no without drawing attention.

Making an extra effort to not hang out is against the rules. It would imply that we're avoiding each other. People only avoid each other when they have something they don't want to share. And we don't have anything that needs to be shared or not shared. That would be a thing. And like I said, we don't have a thing.

And yeah, since Mary Anne suddenly had a Sunday free and Mom had about a million other things to do, it made sense that I should be the one walking up and down the aisle of Stoneybrook's only party store, with Mary Anne, awkwardly trying to act like things weren't awkward.

Just to clear things up, we broke up years ago. Seriously, its old news for both of us. We don't even talk about it any more. Depending on who's asking, we might even say we're friends. I mean, our friends know better than to ask, but some people have a hard time letting go of the past. Like, my...well, for lack of a better word, we'll call her my girlfriend.

Cokie Mason has it in her head that Mary Anne's sole purpose for living is to humiliate her. Which is beyond stupid because if you know Mary Anne half as well as I do, you'd know the only person she is capable of hating is herself. Its too complicated to try to explain why it started, but Mary Anne has decided she is the most horrible person in existence. Even if you could drag her out of her maze of self hate long enough to ask what her opinion of Cokie was, she wouldn't have one. _"Cokie? Cokie Mason? What does she have to do with anything?"_

And it's not that Mary Anne is self-absorbed. I mean, she loves to think she is so that she can beat herself up about it but she's probably the most caring person I know, other than my mom. Its just that she's always worrying about everybody else and wanting to make sure they're okay to the point where if she even tries to think about what makes her happy, she completely shuts down.

As we walk up and down the aisles, I know she feels bad that I'm missing the game. And she should. It's the Bengals and the Browns. The epicness is hard to explain unless you're from Kentucky.

Well, I guess if you're from Ohio you'd get it too.

Even though she's lending me her phone so I can keep up with the game (mine is in the cup holder of my truck, Cokie keeps calling every ten minutes) it doesn't make me feel any more forgiving. Its not my fault she can't stand up for herself. She has no problem telling me off. In fact, she spent the car ride here bitching me out for choosing to date a girl that we both know is psychotic. And okay, yeah, maybe dating my stalker isn't the smartest idea but as soon as I said it was none of her business who I date, she shut up. Because, honestly, this mess has absolutely nothing to do with me.

I guess I could've said something else because now she's beating herself up for calling Cokie crazy (even though she totally is), for ruining Mom and Kerry's Mother/Daughter Day (which wasn't technically her fault), and for calling security to escort Cokie out of her knitting class (But seriously, what else was she supposed to do? Who the fuck shows up at a class half an hour late and gets pissed when the instructor won't let them in?). My mom was not happy that the girl who was calling Mary Anne a frigid bitch turned out to be my "girlfriend" but in my defense, I had no intention of introducing Cokie to my family. Ever.

I honestly am just as surprised as anyone else that we're still together. I figured not putting out and always being busy with school and sports would bore Cokie enough to dump me. But she seriously likes me. And I gotta admit, it's kind of nice dating someone who wants me so much. And I do try to treat her well. We've been "dating" since the end of last year, so almost six months. I think that's a record for Cokie. It's actually kind of a record for me too. I haven't dated anyone since Dorianne dumped me back in tenth grade. I've gone out with other girls, sure, but an actual girlfriend? I didn't really see the point until I realised that not dating any of the girls I was hooking up with was giving me a player status. I'm not a player and I wasn't trying to take advantage of any of those girls. I can't help it if girls take things the wrong way. I'd tell them off the bat that I don't want a girlfriend, I'm not trying to start anything and that just because they're giving me head doesn't mean I'm going to fall in love with them. That doesn't stop them, if anything, it seems to encourage them.

And that just pisses me off.

I keep thinking how one of these days my sister is going to like a guy and he's going to tell her no and instead of finding someone else, she's going to just pretend that she's okay with just being a friend with benefits. Okay, yeah, I was stupid for thinking any of the girls I was messing around with really were okay with that but how the hell was I supposed to know that girls lie about that shit? All I ever hear is how guys play games and they lead girls on and they take advantage of them and I was making an honest effort not to do any of that and they still turned around and said I was. So when Cokie decided that we were together, I didn't really say no. I didn't say yes either, but it's kinda nice being able to let Cokie deal with the girls who keep trying to flirt with me. I just do my school work, focus on sports, and when Cokie starts complaining that we don't spend enough time together, I take her out to the movies or something.

And Mary Anne knows all this. That's why she stressed herself out trying to make sure my mom and Cokie didn't get a chance to talk too much. It's why she told my mom that today must have been an off day and that Cokie was normally really sweet and awesome st school. When she wants to be, Mary Anne is an amazing liar. And I probably am a jerk for not caring that she was beating herself up for lying so blatantly to my mom but honestly, I don't care.

Its exhausting being around her sometimes. Not just because of our stupid rules, but because she's always adding to a list of why she's constantly failing at life,

She probably feels bad that we found such a good parking spot because now someone else has to park further away.

Personally, I think she's too hard on herself. She's given herself impossible standards to live up to. But I'm not allowed to say anything. It'd be too easy to mistake it as affection. And that's the last thing either of us want to give the other.

Instead, we talk about other stuff.

"Hunter still likes Superman, right?" I ask as I grab a bag of whistles with Superman tags on them.

Mary Anne rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "Superman is so last year." She says mimicking Kerry's new _grownup_ tone. "Gosh, Logan. You'd think you'd know your own brother."

Her sense of humor has gotten really dry. It's mostly at her own expense but she's getting really good at making fun of me too.

I shake my head and exaggerate a sigh. "Well, who can keep up? The last time I checked, Hunter was all about Legos and Kerry was collecting My Little Ponies."

Mary Anne smiles. If we were allowed to touch each other, she probably would have patted my head or rubbed my shoulder(condescendingly, not because she was trying to cheer me up or whatever). Instead, she leans on the mostly empty shopping cart between us.

"Hunter still likes Legos and Kerry still likes My Little Ponies." She gives me a warning look. "But if you ask, she likes them _ironically_."

I raise an eyebrow. "I have no idea what that means."

Mary Anne shrugs. "You're not supposed to. Just know that her favorite is Apple Jack and that Pinkie Pie is too mainstream."

I blink. "Seriously? I have no idea what _any_ of that means."

"Good. Cuz you shouldn't." She sticks her tongue out at me.

I push the cart slightly into her hip. "Good. Cuz I don't."

We wander up and down a few more aisles trying to find a few more party favors. Mary Anne has to pick everything out because I honestly don't get his sense of humor. She doesn't even bother explaining to me why fake moustaches and cheapy looking black glasses are going to crack Hunter up.

"Is it like a...Harry Potter thing?" I hadn't seen the last two movies. And I had promised Hunter i'd try to read the books but I hadn't had time yet...

Mary Anne just snorts and shakes her head. "I feel like I'm shopping with my dad."

She doesn't really laugh anymore, now that I think about it. She'll usually just smile and shake her head because she's always worried someone's going to think she's laughing at them. That's why she doesn't mind making fun of me. I know when she's joking and she knows where to draw the line.

I roll my eyes. "I can't help it if I'm out of the loop. You baby-sit them because I have other stuff to do, remember?"

I hold up a Batman poster and she nods before I throw it in the cart. When we come to an aisle full of pink boxes, I can't help but grab a My Little Pony doll for Kerry. I know its dumb but I like that I can still buy toys for my little sister, even if she has gotten really annoying lately.

Mary Anne rolls her eyes and takes the box out of the cart before grabbing a different one. "Apple Jack, Logan." She shows me what looks like a cowboy (cowgirl?) pony before throwing it in the cart. This time we actually look each other in the eye for a few seconds. "Seriously, how would you even function without me?"

I grin back. I can't really think of anything to say. All I can think is that we're breaking a ton of rules today. Besides actually being out in public together, we've been goofing off and just enjoying hanging out. Not to mention the fact that we're standing within five feet of each other. Yeah, we have rules about how closely we can stand to each other. Whatever. It's complicated. Well, it would be if it was, like…real. It's not though, so just…never mind.

When I reach for a bag of candy she almost smacks my hand away. "Seriously, Logan? Smarties? That stuff tastes like chalk." She grabs a bag of chocolates. "Do you not remember what good candy is?"

I frown. I haven't actually taken the kids trick or treating in years. There was always some Halloween party I had to go to.

Did I really just think of my brother and sister as _the kids_?

"God, I feel old."

Mary Anne shrugs. "Well, you are almost an adult."

We both snicker at that. We shouldn't because not only is it breaking our rule, it's also making light of why she and I are doing the shopping instead of my parents.

"You know," I say, taking the opportunity while it presents itself, "Cokie kind of did you a favor. You needed to quit anyway. That job was stressing you out."

Mary Anne glares at me. "Oh really?" She asks cooly. "Are you deciding what's best for me? I didn't realize I was back to a point where I couldn't think for myself." Her lips purse but her frown doesn't reach her eyes.

She knows I'm right, so I continue. "They were paying you way less than everybody else. And you had shitty hours."

"I'd appreciate it if you'd not use that language." She says, trying to change the subject.

I roll my eyes as she puts plates and a matching tablecloth in the cart. "You can't honestly say that teaching knitting classes and restocking shelves was your dream job."

"Not all of us are okay with our parents paying for everything." She says, looking at a shelf of paper cups. "They have bills too, you know."

"Yeah, I know." I say as dryly as possible. "They're _parents_, Mary Anne. Their job is to support us and pay for our cost of living until we're able to do it ourselves."

"Well, maybe some of us are able to do it faster than others."

I glare at the back of her head. "Then why are you still living at home? Richard doesn't charge you rent or make you chip in for groceries. And I know for a fact if you tell him today that you're too busy with school to hold down a part time job, he'll actually be relieved."

That gets her attention. She spins around and looks at me, her eyes wide in suprise. "Were you talking to my parents?"

My face gets hot from the hurt tone of her voice. "Oh, so its okay for you to talk to my family but I can't talk to yours?" I'm not bitter. Or angry. And I'm keeping my voice even.

She still gets offended. "I can't help it that your brother and sister like me!" she snaps.

"And I can't help it that your dad is crap with tools." I shoot back. "You know, if you'd actually sit down and talk to them-"

Mary Anne let out a dry laugh. "Really? You want to go there? When's the last time you weren't so busy with school? And why do you have to be on _every_ team? Its not just Kerry and Hunter that miss you." We tend to not look at each other when we argue. Not that we argue very often. That would imply that we know way too much about each other. But the look she gives me right now makes my stomach hurt a little. "Do you have any idea how hurt Louise was today?"

I don't think our voices are that loud but this is getting too personal and I'm pretty sure there's some kids from school who work here. "Can we just pay for everything and go?"

She nods. She keeps her hair behind her ears as we load everything on the cash stand and she doesn't even fiddle with her imaginary split ends. She's mad. Which, technically is good because it means she's finally not beating herself up. But this is the whole reason we don't hang out. We know each other too well.

We don't say anything as we walk back out to my truck. Poor Bessie does not do well in the rain. She's rusted like crazy and whenever it's too cold she has a hard time starting. So while Mary Anne loads everything, I try to coax her into starting up. The engine won't turn.

Great.

I pop the hood while Mary Anne goes to drop off the cart.

Bessie really needs a new engine but that's pretty much impossible for a '54 F100. Dad and I have been rebuilding her bit by bit and sometimes Kerry and Hunter help, but it's still slow going. And just when I figure out that one of the mount pads is looser than I thought-

"Logan?"

Fuck.

Of course Cokie would find me. I know it's dumb to think that not answering my phone would help me avoid her but sometimes I underestimate her. Most girls like to spend the day crying when they've accidentally cussed out their boyfriend's mom. But of course not Cokie. It doesn't help that Stoneybrook is such a small town.

"Hey, babe." I say in what I hope is a nice tone.

I hate calling her that. Its like the most generic thing ever. I'm never, ever calling any other girl I date babe. I keep picturing the pig from the book I used to read to Kerry.

But its not like I can call her anything else. She whines that I don't have enough pet names for her. I'm afraid if I call her Honey or Baby or any of that other crap, she'll pick up on the sarcasm. Not that she's that smart. But she does know when someone is laughing at her.

"You haven't answered your phone all day."

It takes everything I have not to roll my eyes. I shrug and kick at something by my foot. "I forgot it at home. I've been getting stuff together for Hunter's birthday party."

She narrows her eyes suspiciously. "Who's Hunter?"

"My brother." I say flatly. "His birthday is next week."

"I didn't know you had a brother." She says as she follows me to the driver's side of the truck.

"Yup, I do." This time when I turn the key, the engine starts. Thank God. I don't feel like talking to her. And I don't even bother to point out that I've told her about Hunter before. We haven't had a enough conversations for her to not remember him. "I have some more stuff to do, so..."

She crosses her arms and makes this annoying pouty look. "You're mad at me aren't you?"

I roll my eyes because, seriously, she's about to throw a fit. Kerry used to do the same thing in elementary school. "Cokie, I don't want to get into it right now. I'm not mad though, okay? I just have a lot of shit to do so that I can get back on my mom's good side."

"That wasn't my fault." Now she's whining. I seriously want to facepalm myself with Bessie's hood. "It was Mary Anne. She's jealous of us. And she's been trying to get back at me for helping Grace steal Pete Black. She was _trying_ to make me look bad."

I'm kind of surprised that she hasn't stomped her foot. But I sigh and pull her into a hug anyway. She wraps her arms around my neck and pretends to sniffle into my shirt.

"Cokie," I sigh, because we've had this exact same conversation pretty much once a week since we started "dating." "You don't have to worry about anyone stealing me from you. I'm not an idiot. I want to be with you." Just for the hell of it, I grab her ass. Maybe I'm a jerk but she does have a nice body. And she's actually really pretty. She dresses like the girls on tv and she always smells good. I'd say she was hot but she's been with too many of my team mates for me to be okay with ever going past third base. I mean, I definitely appreciate all the experience but knowing that she practiced a lot if it with Kong...ugh.

She pulls back and smiles up at me. "So even though your mom probably hates me-"

I roll my eyes. "It doesn't matter what my mom thinks, she doesn't decide who I date."

The look on her face changes to something more familiar. "You are so fucking sexy." She traces her finger on the collar of my Bengals jersey. "I want to show you how hot I think you are, right now."

Her tongue is halfway down my throat and her hand is down my pants three seconds before my brain catches on. Which is still thirty seconds slower than my dick. I'm a seventeen year old boy, okay? I can't help it if my hormones work faster than the rest of me.

I manage to get her off of me before anything too embarrassing happens. "Cokie, we're in a parking lot," I manage to say as I try to get her hand out of my pants. "Seriously, we're outside of the party store," This is causing _way _more friction than I thought it would. I finally get her hand out of my pants and I pull my jersey down. "We're across the street from the _mall_." I can't believe my voice cracked. What the fuck, hormones?

I clear my throat.

She smirks. "We can go back to my place. Nobody's home."

"As tempting as that is," And really, its not. I can count on both hands and probably my toes how many of my friends have gotten the same invite. "I really have to get back. My mom probably has more stuff for me to do."

"Well, call me tonight, lover." She purrs the last word. "I'll make it worth your while."

She does this exaggerated hip saunter away. I know its fake but now that I can't see her face or hear her voice it looks kinds hot.

"You are such a jerk."

I almost have a heart attack as Mary Anne climbs into the truck.

"Shit. You scared me." I say. I go back and close Bessie's hood before I jump up into my seat.

She has her hand over her mouth and she's turning red from trying not to laugh.

My face turns bright red out of embarrassment. "How much did you see?"

Mary Anne shakes her head and won't look up from her lap. Her shoulders are shaking.

I put Bessie in reverse and then start heading out of the parking lot, making sure to get as far away from the store Cokie went into as I can. "Where were you anyway?"

Mary Anne looks up and brushes her hair out of her face. Her eyes are shining and her cheeks are flushed. She opens the passenger visor and wipes at imaginary smudges under her eyes. "I stayed on my side of Bessie. I didn't actually see anything." She closes the visor and grins at me. I'm trying to keep my eyes on the road. Acknowledging that she has the most beautiful smile in the world is most definitely against the rules. "But man, did I hear some stuff."

"You did not." It's a plead for her to drop it.

Of course she doesn't. "Were you choking on her tongue?"

I shrug and check my blindspot to see if I can merge. "Well, she shoved it in my mouth before I was ready."

"There were slobbering noises."

"Have you ever had someone force themselves down your throat?" I muttered. "You need a lot of lubrication."

We both blush. I can't believe I just said that.

"Well, I'm not a jerk." I say, trying to kill the awkward silence.

"Your fly is still open."

I can't help but smirk. "So don't stare so hard."

She spends the next few minutes looking out the window and I debate on whether or not to zip my fly. I decide not to, just because I don't want her thinking that I care what she thinks.

"Your mom wants me to stay for dinner." She says to the window. "She made a red velvet cake."

"She wants to cheer you up." I say.

She's looking at the texts on her phone now. I glance briefly at mine. Ten missed calls and like twenty texts. God, Cokie doesn't quit.

Mary Anne makes a face and locks her phone. "I don't need to be cheered up. I should've quit when they made Tracy key. I've worked there twice as long as her."

I make it a point not say I told you so. "Well, stay anyway." I find myself saying. "You know she made the cake for you. Besides, Hunter loves when you stay for dinner. I think he has a crush on you."

We laugh because that's one of the things we're allowed to joke about.

"I guess I could stay." She says. She pauses. "Not too late though. Louise'll have a heart attack about me riding my bike home in the dark."

I nod as we pull into the driveway. "Yeah, you should try to leave as soon as possible. Tell them you have to help Dawn with Morgan or something."

I turn the engine off and open the door.

"Logan!" Mary Anne grabs my hand before I can step out. She drops my hand immeadiately and starts grabbing the bags closest to her. "Your fly's still open."

Then she's rushing to the house before we break any more rules.


	7. Chapter 7: Mary Anne

**Title:** Not Sure Yet

**Author:** Sabby13

**Rating:** PG-13

**Disclaimer:** Not mine. All the characters and settings are based entirely on Ann M. Martin's series _The Baby-Sitters Club_.

**A/N:** _So, one thing I should probably have mentioned is that in my head-canon, The Baby-Sitters Club starts in seventh grade and ends in ninth grade. The basis for this is because of how many times they went to Sea City. The first time they went ("Boy Crazy Stacey") was the summer after seventh grade. The second time ("Mary Anne and Too Many Boys") was the summer after eight grade. And the last time (Super Special #Whatever) would have been the summer after ninth grade but I've decided that it was the spring break during ninth grade because that wouldn't cancel out how Mary Anne and Logan broke up for really reals before they_ finally _graduated in the Friends Forever Series. And the reason I decided that it's a ninth grade graduation instead of an eighth grade one is because I went to a junior high school for grades 6-9 and I think that makes more sense than having them all in eighth grade for thirty years or whatever._

_And this is important because it shows that Mary Anne and Logan dated for about two years, which is a long time by pretty much any standard. And I'm totally outing my nerdiness by saying that it also helps with my theory that Mary Anne totally has PTSD from her house burning down. I mean, yes, she could have just broken up with Logan because that's what couples do but in my head-canon both her and her dad have slight cases of clinical depression. He deals with it by being a super neat freak and she deals with it by making drastic changes in her life (i.e, makeovers and dumping her steady boyfriend). And I kind of picture Logan looking like a mix between Zack Morris and a really tall Zac Effron. Which just kind of ties into the whole, Mary Anne was crazy when she dumped him._

_And as always, reviews would be greatly appreciated.  
_

* * *

**Chapter 7: Mary Anne**

* * *

I wouldn't say that I'm a morning person but I'm usually pretty good about getting up when I'm supposed to.

Something was wrong with today.

That's the only thing I could think as I eye balled my alarm, at six fifteen on Monday morning.

I had tried shutting off my alarm and going back to sleep but every time I moved, a random leg or thigh muscle would protest. I closed my eyes and ordered myself to count backwards from one hundred. When I glanced at the clock again, it was only six-eighteen.

What was wrong with my clock?

I finally gave in and got up to take a shower when my stomach muscles started complaining too. I tried taking a hot shower, hoping that would soothe all the soreness but there was too much quiet.

All I could think about was how I didn't want to think because all I could think about was how I hadn't actually gotten home from the Brunos' until two in the morning.

* * *

I honestly hadn't meant to stay over that late. The plan was to stay for dinner, make up some excuse to leave and be home by eight-thirty, nine o'clock at the latest.

Then Hunter and Kerry had wanted me to stay and watch a movie with them.

And stupid Logan had the genius idea that we should all watch Harry Potter because he felt bad for not spending enough time with his brother and sister.

I sat through almost three hours of Logan asking every five seconds who each character was. Then, either Kerry or Hunter would spend five minutes explaining the character's entire life story. _And_ _then_, we had to rewind a couple of scenes because Logan had missed something that Hunter insisted was important.

So when Louise poked her head down the stairs to Logan's room (he helped his dad remodel the basement into a 'bachelor pad') and said it was time for the two younger kids to go to bed, I should have jumped up with them and insisted that it was time for me to head home. In fact, Louise even insisted that if Logan was too lazy, then either she or Lyman would be more than happy to drive me home.

But Logan had rolled his eyes. _Mom, it's fine. I'll drop her off. _Then he'd shot me a look. _Wanna watch the last movie with me first?_

I had shrugged because Louise and the kids were still in the room and I didn't want to make a big deal out of it.

_Yeah, sure. _I said plopping back down on the bed. _But if you talk during this one, I will tell your parents that you tried to make me walk home in the dark._

He'd laughed. His mom and siblings wished us a good night and we put in the movie.

It turns out there's a big difference between watching a movie with just the two of us and watching one with Kerry and Hunter sprawled out on the bed with us.

For starters, I was stuck answering all the stupid questions.

_Yes, Logan. The Chihuahua thing really did die in the last film._

_No. None of the dead characters are going to come back to life._

_That's Ginny Weasley. She was in the last movie. You were snickering when she and Harry were kissing, remember?_

For another, there was a lot more empty space on the bed. That made it seem weird that we were lying as far apart from each other as possible. In fact, it'd be really weird if we both didn't scoot more to the middle of the bed, since that was the best spot to watch the movie from. Besides, there was still like a good inch or two of space between us, so why were we being weird about it?

_I mean, we're friends, right? _Logan had said with a shrug.

_Totally. _I agreed. _And you have a girlfriend, so it's not like we'd actually do anything._

_Uh, yeah. _He said. _We haven't hooked up since, what? Before me and Cokie were dating, right? _

_Psh..yeah. Since like, at least February._

_And we've been alone plenty of times._

_We sure have. _

_And we're not like, some sex crazed hormonal teenagers._

_Totally._

_So..._

_So?_

_Okay, so that guy, he was one of the teacher's right? What's his deal?_

_Oh my lord, Logan. Just shut up and watch the stupid movie already!_

* * *

At six-thirty, I focused on picking out an outfit and blow drying my hair. Skinny jeans, flats and my new scoop neck shirt seemed like a good idea. I'm not a fashionista like Stacey and Claudia but I like my style. The shirt was navy blue with white stripes and it was kind of drapey. I almost put my hair into a side bun but I wasn't really comfortable with that much of my neck and collar showing. I know it's weird but I don't like a lot of skin showing. I'm always worried it might grab someone's attention and as conceited as it sounds, I'm not okay with guys staring at me. It makes me feel like I'm giving them some kind of secret signal that I'm available when I'm so not.

New shirts are usually a good source of anxiety, so wearing my hair down definitely seemed like a good idea.

Logan says my hair is my tell, which, I guess, is true.

If I'm in a good mood, I can just flip my hair over my shoulder and not think about it all day. But if I start getting stressed out I start braiding or unbraiding it or checking it for split ends. When I get really upset, it makes a good curtain for me to collect my thoughts behind.

When I glanced at the clock, it was just turning to six forty-five. This was so weird. Why is it that when you're dreading something, time just seems to drag on?

I tried taking longer playing with my makeup. I put extra concealer under my eyes because I had horrible, dark purple bags from my lack of sleep. I added an extra layer of mascara. I even tried putting on the fake eyelashes Claudia had given me for last year's Halloween.

But when I glanced at the clock again, it was only six-fifty.

This was going to be a ridiculously long day.

I was pretty much limping down the stairs to breakfast. I was so grateful that nobody else had made it to the kitchen yet. Trying to sit on a counterstool turned out to be too much strain. I settled for leaning against the counter.

"Well, you're up early." Dawn said as she walked into the kitchen.

She was wearing a different t-shirt than the one from last night and her long blonde hair was piled in a messy bun on top of her head. I know she feels gross a lot of the time because she hasn't lost her baby weight yet, but I think she still looks amazing. I don't know anyone else who can make striped pajama pants and a not quite fitted t-shirts look like something out of a magazine. I felt like all she needed was a pair of Ugs and expensive sunglasses and she'd look like one of those celebrities trying to avoid the paparazzi.

"Good morning." I said as I ate my cereal. I glanced at the clock. It still wasn't even seven yet.

Dawn eyed my bowl of Cocoa Pebbles disdainfully before spooning organic greek yogurt into her own bowl. "So, is Logan going to pick you up for school?" she asked casually as she grabbed a box of granola.

I locked my eyes on my bowl. "No." I said, hopefully just as casually. "We don't really hang out unless we have to."

"Yeah." She said. "Well, if last night was any indication, you guys must really hate each other."

I shrugged but refused to say anything else or make eye contact.

"So, do Mom and Richard know you like to stay out so late on school nights?" She asked in the same light tone. "I mean, Richard was always so overprotective. I can't imagine him being happy that his sweet, innocent little girl is getting groped in the doorway of his house at two in the morning."

"What's going on at two in the morning?" Now Sharon was coming into the kitchen. She had one earring in and was trying to get the second one into the other ear. "Good morning, girls!" She said brightly.

She stopped to peck us both on top of our foreheads and then bustled over to the coffee pot. "Is it seven o'clock already?" She exclaimed. "Where is the time going this morning?"

She hurried over to the doorway. "Richard, honey, we're going to have to go through drive-thru." She called down the hall. "There's not enough time to start a fresh pot."

She grimaced and looked worriedly at Dawn. "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. I didn't wake Morgan, did I?"

The three of us remained absolutely still and listened for the sound of his cries. When nothing happened, Dawn shrugged and the two of us resumed eating while Sharon scurried around, trying to track down her cell phone (in the microwave) and her purse (in the vegetable crisper). Sharon's a little absent minded sometimes. She's gotten better over the years but when she's stressed, all bets are off.

"Honey?" She called slightly less loudly than before. "It's seven o'five. If we don't leave now, we're going to hit traffic."

My dad came in just then. "I know, I know. I'm sorry. I don't know what's going on this morning. I feel like I barely got any sleep."

Dawn perked up. "Oh, wow! That's crazy. I'm pretty sure Mary Anne must be feeling the same way." She shot me a pointed look. "I mean, how much sleep could you have possibly gotten since you came home at three in the morning."

I put my bowl in the sink. "A few minutes ago, you said I was home at two." I pointed out. "I think maybe you've got bad fit of mommy brain this morning."

Dawn glared at me. "At least, the only boy I'm losing sleep over is my son." She turned to my dad. "Richard, your daughter was making out with Logan last night."

Dad raised an eyebrow. "In our house? Mary Anne, you didn't tell us you were inviting anyone over."

My ears burned and I shook my head. "He was just dropping me off, Dad—"

"At two in the morning!" Dawn cut in.

"He just walked me to the front door." I said. "I promise, he didn't come in."

"Well, just don't invite him over without letting us know first." He said absently as he walked to the door. "We'll see you girls tonight."

Sharon was two seconds behind. "Tell Logan I said hi." She called over her shoulder. "Oh and Dawn would you mind making eggplant parmigiana for dinner tonight? We should have everything and if not, send me a text and I'll get the rest on the way home."

And then it was just me and Dawn in the kitchen.

I glanced at the clock. It was exactly seven ten. I sighed. What was wrong with today? The walk to school was less than ten minutes and the less time I spent at school before the bell rang, the easier it would be to avoid Logan.

Maybe if I left now, I could just hide in an empty classroom until class started. I nodded. That sounded possible. And if I texted Kristy right now, she could grab an energy drink for me. I grabbed my backpack from the dining room and waved awkwardly to Dawn. "So...I guess I'm going to go?"

I don't think she even heard me. She was glaring at her granola and yogurt. "I can't believe they didn't even care."

I really didn't know what to say without sounding like I was looking down on her. I mean, she was the one staying home with a baby. Our parents were no longer at a point where they could pretend that we were never going to like boys like _that_. And we'd already had a talk about what they expected of me. I was always honest about where I was and who I was hanging out with. Their big thing was that they wanted me to come home safe, so as long as I called, I really could do whatever I wanted.

In fact, because they actually knew the Brunos, I could have just spent the night there. It wouldn't be the first time but neither Logan or I were comfortable with the questions that would have raised. Plus, it might set a really bad example for Kerry.

* * *

We had agreed the right decision was for me to go home. I had hinted that it would be best if we just pretended like nothing had happened.

And it really seemed like Logan was going along with it.

_Fine. But I'm still walking you up to your door. There could be some crazy lurking around your front yard._

_The only crazy in the front yard is you. _I'd said as he followed me to my door. _Seriously, your car is three feet away. And I don't think anyone is crazy enough to mess with the star quarterback of SHS._

Logan had smiled. _Well, how are they going to know it's me if I'm just sitting in Bessie? Trust me, they'll think twice before trying to jump a guy that's almost six and a half feet tall._

I snorted as I put my key into the lock. _Not if they're crazy. _I opened the door slightly. _You can't walk me to my room. _I said dryly. _I didn't ask my parents if it was okay for you to come inside._

Logan raised an eyebrow. _Kinda late for that isn't it?_

_Oh my lord! Logan! _I smacked his arm. _You're disgusting._

_Whatever. You're the one who started it._

I had rolled my eyes. _Flipping my hair over my shoulder does not mean I want to have sex with you._

_Uh-huh. You just did it again._

I glanced down and noticed I had pulled my hair over my shoulder. _That is just a coincidence. _I said sharply. _It wasn't deliberate._

_But you admit it. You're trying to seduce me._

Instead of denying it, I grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him in for one last kiss. I was being greedy. I knew it. But it wasn't just anyone. It was Logan. And it was two in the morning and I was high on exhaustion and endorphins from a surprise sex marathon.

It didn't seem like something either of us was going to regret but it was definitely something that we agreed we weren't going to repeat.

I think my giggling was what made Dawn come up to the front door.

_What the hell are you guys doing? _She exclaimed. _Do you have any idea what time it is? Mary Anne you have school tomorrow! Logan, aren't you dating Cokie Mason?_

And that's probably when real life started kicking back in.

* * *

Now that it was morning and I was in the right mind frame, I realized how dumb we'd been. But it's not like I could tell Dawn that. She'd spent a good half hour scolding me and then trying to figure out if I was drunk. And even now, I could sense the disappointment rolling off of her in waves. She was disappointed in me for making poor life choices. She was disappointed that Logan wasn't as good a guy as everyone thought he was. And now she was disappointed that our parents didn't seem to care.

It was only seven-fifteen but I couldn't stay in the house with her. Once she has a certain mindset, it's hard to shake her out of it. And it's too easy for me to sink into the same depths she was currently in. So, I left. I don't know if it was the right choice but I had to do something.

Last week, had been my first meltdown in months and I didn't want to go through another one. So I walked to school and tried to enjoy the bright sunshine and the cold mid-September wind. I wish I could say that I was walking slowly because I was trying to kill time, but honestly, I was just trying not to limp.

Logan and I weren't like, freaky or anything. At least, I don't think we were. It's just the last time we'd been together must have been sometime in February or March and my body wasn't really used to that kind of stuff anymore. I don't really have a right to complain though. I'm pretty sure Logan kissed me first, but I'm the one who started skipping straight to third base.

The whole walk to school I rehearsed what I was going to say to him. Or at least, I tried to. Everything kept starting with, _So, you know how last night I was being all flirty and throwing myself at you? Can we just pretend that didn't happen?_

There weren't that many kids in the hall and I hadn't seen Bessie in the parking lot, so maybe I was freaking out for no reason. I mean, Logan had done most of the work and then had to drive back home. He was probably even more tired than I was. Maybe he had slept in past his alarm clock. He did that sometimes. Or he could have had an early morning football practice. Or picked up Cokie on his way to school. I don't know his life and we'd done a really good job of avoiding each other for months. The chances of me _not _bumping into him again had to be relatively good, right?

As I opened my locker, I glanced at my watch. Finally time was starting to speed up. I had a little over fifteen minutes until the first bell rang. All I had to do was grab my books, get to English, and I'd be good. He hadn't texted or called, so he probably knew I didn't want to talk. I could probably even skip tutoring today.

I saw one of my favorite cardigans huddled in the back of my locker and took that as a sign that today was going to be okay after all. Then I grabbed my books, shut my locker, and walked straight into Logan.

"Hi!" He said. "You are exactly the person I was hoping to bump into."

I pushed my hair behind my ears and hurriedly took a step back. "Um…good morning." I said lamely. "Happy Monday."

"Thanks." He was smiling so brightly, I knew it had to be fake. "So…did you have a nice...breakfast?"

"What do you want?" I asked cutting to the chase. "Your class is on the opposite side of campus and we've never 'accidentally' bumped into each other. Ever. And you know what I'm thinking ten seconds before I think it. So what? What do you think we need to talk about that you don't already know my response to?"

Logan took a step back. Then a step forward. He hated being called out as much as I did. "Okay, first of all, you _hate_ when I start assuming things, remember? You get like super pissed and start going off on how you're your own person and you can think for yourself and all that stuff."

I sighed. "Ok, yeah," I said. I hate admitting when he's right. I twirled some of my hair around my finger while I tried to think of how to explain myself. "I do hate when you act like, all knowing." I finally said "It's like, you're this psychic who can just make choices for me and I can't think for myself. That's annoying. But I mean," I shrugged. "You know me and you know I need time to sort things out."

"I thought we didn't have a _thing_." He said dryly.

I tried giving him a big bright smile. "If we don't talk about it we don't."

I thought teasing him would help lighten things up but I just felt like crap and he was still giving me this look, like he knew I was better than that.

"I don't know what to say, Logan." I said honestly. "I'm not really ready to talk yet."

"Mary Anne," He sighed and I forced myself to look at him. "You're never ready to talk. You just avoid stuff until it's not a big deal anymore. That's not fair."

"Why do you have to be such a girl about stuff?" I asked. I pulled all of my hair over my shoulder and started combing my fingers through it. When that didn't calm me down, I back tracked to my locker. When all else failed, cleaning always pushed away the panic. I was sure there had to be some kind of mess. That sweater had been in there for at least two weeks now. "I'm seriously exhausted." I found myself saying. "I mean, I only slept like three hours tops. Not to mention me and Dawn almost got into it this morning." I looked over my shoulder and tried to smile at him, even though I felt like my chest was going to explode any second. "She wasn't too happy about bumping into us last night."

"Uh...it's funny you should mention that." Logan said.

Suddenly he was the one blushing and looking a little panicked. I frowned. That was weird. A second ago he had been all seriousness. I turned all the way around as he started digging through his backpack.

"So, there was a sale at the gas station this morning and...um...I wasn't sure if you'd appreciate this but...I mean, I'm dead on my feet and you're tired too, right? So, maybe this'll help?" He pulled out a bright pink drink can with a pink bendy straw attached to it and held it out uncertainly.

"Seriously?" My heart plummeted into my stomach. He'd read my mind again. It was the energy drink that I forgot to text Kristy about. "Oh, I hate you so much." I found myself saying as I held my hand out greedily. "Yes. Please. I would kill for an energy drink right now."

He started to hand me the can, then seemed to think better of it and pulled it back. "We should talk first."

I rolled my eyes. "Have things really gotten that bad between us?" I asked dryly. "You have to bribe me with an energy drink in order to have a conversation?"

Logan looked slightly amused. "It's not a bribe." He said as his eyes darted up and down the hall. "It's a peace offering. But if you don't want it... Cokie likes pink rockstars too, you know." He started putting it back in his bag.

"Okay. Fine." I said quickly.

To his credit, he handed the drink to me with very little smugness and didn't say anything while I popped the can open and unwrapped the straw.

"What do we need to talk about?" I tried not to sound ungrateful or grumpy but I still felt like I was being bribed into this conversation.

"Right, so..." He frowned uncertainly while I took a small sip of my drink. "Um...we should probably not be standing in the hall and talking. Cokie's gonna have a bitch fit if she sees us."

I just nodded and tried to savor the pink bubbliness of my drink. It was exactly what I needed to wake up. When I looked up, I realized Logan was almost halfway down the hall. For a second, I contemplated just letting him wander off and avoiding whatever was about to happen. I glanced at my watch. There were only about fifteen minutes left before class started. I could just hide out in the library until first period...

But as he pulled open one of the classroom doors nodded at me, I knew I couldn't do it. He was only two doors away. It'd be really mean of me to pretend that I couldn't see him. I sighed and picked my books up from the floor, then hurried down after him.

As soon as the door closed, I put my books on top of the closest counter top and turned to him expectantly. "Okay." I said. "What is so important that we need to sneak into empty classrooms?"

It looked like some kind of science class, with a bunch of high tables instead of individual desks.

_Which makes sense,_ I thought idly as I leaned back against the nearest table and took a sip of my drink. _We are in the math and science wing, duh. _

I couldn't wait for when my three hundred percent serving of vitamin B12 kicked in. My brain was not processing anything.

Logan shrugged uncertainly and leaned back against the table in front of me. We were maybe two feet apart, which was totally against our normal rules but it's not like we'd start making out in a room that just anyone could walk into, so I let it slide.

"I guess we could start with me apologizing for the hickey on the back of your neck."

I almost sprayed my drink onto him.

I managed to clap my hand over my mouth with one hand and slam my drink down on the table with the other. I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose as the carbonation traveled up my nasal passage. "Oh my lord!" I managed to gasp out. I leaned forward as my eyes watered. "Augh! It's burning my nose!"

"Shit. Are you okay?" Logan asked worriedly. He rubbed my back and then pulled a chair over for me to sit in. "I totally could have timed that better. Just take a seat and tilt your head back..."

I refused the chair but I did lean my head back. It seemed to help with the burning. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, counting to ten like Dr. Grant used to make me do in therapy.

When I calmed down, I tried to keep my voice even. "I have a hickey on the back of my neck?"

My hand automatically flew to the only logical spot it could be, which of course wouldn't be something that I could see in the mirror. I rubbed on the base of my neck, trying to see if I could feel any teeth marks."How bad is it? Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I asked, pulling my hair over my left shoulder so he could get a better look.

Then I remembered that's how the stupid thing had gotten there in the first place and I quickly took a step away from him.

"I saw it when you started fussing with your locker. You know, when you tried to distract me by throwing your hair over your shoulder and smiling at me?"

My mouth fell open in shock. "Oh my lord, Logan! I wasn't trying to flirt with you! I was trying to keep from having a panic attack! I told you, throwing my hair over my shoulder doesn't mean I want to have sex with you!"

Logan at least had the decency to look embarrassed. "Ok, so, maybe I don't always know what you're thinking." He blushed. "But I think as long as you keep your hair over your right shoulder, it should be fine." he said.

I buried my face in my hands. This was a disaster. I played with my hair way too much, just out of habit. And what did fine mean, anyway? I tried to think back to last night. Had he bitten me hard enough to leave a dark purple spot? Or was it just like a small red mark? Maybe I could pass it off as a burn from my flat iron? At the same time, I pulled my hair over to my right shoulder and turned slightly so he could see. "Like this?"

I tried to keep my voice calm but I wanted the floor to swallow me up right then and there. We both knew exactly when this would have happened. It would have been almost midnight and we had been going back and forth about whether or not I should even bother going home.

Literally and figuratively, I guess.

We had been spooning under his comforter. One of his arms was wrapped tightly around my rib cage, holding me firmly against him. His other hand had been gripping my hip while he'd so unbelievably _slowly_ been pushing in and out. I had been _so _close, I just needed that one final...something, to get me over the edge.

And I had totally flipped my hair out of the way so he could get to the spot on my neck. I'm pretty sure I had a goofy grin on my face too when I asked him to bite me. Was it any wonder he kept thinking I was flirting with him?

"Um...no. Maybe just don't mess with your hair." I felt his hand brush against my neck as he pulled my hair off of my shoulder. "You can keep it straight down your back right?"

His voice was right in my ear. And despite my common sense, I was leaning back into him and letting him rub at knot forming between my shoulder blades. In an empty classroom. Where just about anyone could walk in.

" Are you kidding me?" I turned around and smacked his arm repeatedly. "What is wrong with you?" I smacked his arm again just for good measure. "Seriously, Logan. This is not cool."

"Okay!" he grabbed my wrists before I could hit him anymore. "Okay! I already told you I'm sorry. Quit hitting me." I lowered my arms slowly and he let go.

"How big is the stupid thing anyway?"I tried pushing my hair flat against my neck. How was I going to keep my neck covered all day?

Logan shrugged. "It's not that big. But the back of your shirt is kind of wide. I think if you wore like a regular t-shirt it'd cover most of it."

I nodded. I had that sweater in my locker! Maybe that would cover it. "Okay. Not a big deal. I just have to get down the hall without anyone else noticing the mark on my neck." I shook my head. I was suddenly aware that there were too many people between this classroom and my locker. I glanced at my watch. There were still ten minutes until the bell rang.

Why was time going so slowly?

I hated Mondays.

I hated school.

And more than anything, I hated that Logan hadn't had the common sense to tell me that biting was not a good idea.

"I can't believe you gave me a hickey." I snapped. "We're not thirteen anymore, Logan."

He just laughed. "I don't ever remember you giving me a chance to hickey you when we were thirteen." Then he smirked. It was a stupid, self satisfied smirk and my face grew super hot because it was going to be another one of those times where he was right. "This kind of _is_ your fault."

I managed a defiant splutter but that just made him even more smug.

"You the one who said, and I _quote_, 'Oh yeah. Harder.'"

He even made the stupid air quotes with his fingers. I cringed with complete and utter embarrassment.

"And I remember because you really, _really_ liked it. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's about when you-"

"Okay!" I said, throwing my hands over his mouth before he said anything else. "Yeah, I did. But I didn't necessarily mean you needed to bite down harder. I could've just meant-" then I clamped my hand over my mouth before _I _said anything else.

He sat up straighter and eyed me curiously. "You could've meant what?" I couldn't even look at him because his smirk had turned into a full on grin. "Mary Anne? What else could you have been referring to?"

I rubbed at the back of my neck, telling myself it was to check to see if any scabs had formed. But, honestly? I was remembering his breath against my neck, his tongue against my skin and how hard I finished when his teeth bit into me.

I almost lost my balance, thinking about it.

Logan laughed and grabbed at my elbow, then ran his hand down my arm and locked his fingers through mine. "Will you stop messing with it? You're not going to be able to do anything about it. Just keep your hair down." His hand gripped tighter to mine as he locked his eyes on me. "In my defense," He added. "I had a naked girl, in my bed, grinding against my lap. I can't be held accountable for what happened afterwards."

I pulled my hand away "You're such a jerk." I said, with almost no conviction. "And I can't believe we're having this conversation at school."

It was immature, I know. And we were being way too touchy. But it's Logan and it's impossible for either of us to ignore when the other is being turned on.

"Would you rather have us talk about it after school?" he asked innocently as he put a finger through one of my belt loops. He barely pulled on it, but I still took a step closer.

"Because I'm pretty sure that's not a good idea." His hand ran down my arm again and I took another step closer. "I mean..." he looked at me for permission. "...unless you want to..."

"Um..." I licked my lips as his face moved closer to mine. Butterflies were dancing in my stomach as our lips touched. "Yeah." I said absently.

It just goes to show how confused I am about everything.

If I was being honest, I'd have to say how much I love that he won't kiss me without double checking first but once I've given the okay, he has no problem with taking over. I love how when he finally does kiss me, it's soft but absolutely sure.

I love his hair. Even if it's kind of a preppy haircut and he puts too much gel, I still like running my fingers through it. And I love the sound he makes when I do.

I also love when he wraps his arms around my waist and holds me close. I love everything that makes him bigger and taller and stronger than me. He has really strong, defined muscles but they're not big and bulky. And he's so tall that even when he's sitting on a desk or table or whatever, he's still a head taller than me.

Cokie had it all wrong yesterday. You can't get Logan by going straight to hand jobs and French kissing. I mean, don't get me wrong, he likes those too. But for him, it's the buildup. He likes being teased.

His ears are actually the easiest way to turn him on. I don't know when I figured out that rubbing his earlobes between my thumb and forefinger worked so well. Probably around the same time he figured out the spot on my neck. But I do know that I have too many weak spots because it's not just my neck.

It's also when he gets his hands under my shirt and grips the skin around my rib cage. At that point, my knees get weak and I have to rely on him to hold me up. And I can usually balance it out by scratching along the skin between his pelvic bone and stomach but it also kind of depends on which one of us is on top. And if I'm trying to keep from falling completely on top of him while he's trying to balance us both on top of a table in an empty classroom that just anyone can walk into...

I realized what we were doing as soon as my hands touched the table top. "Oh no." I said, quickly pushing myself away. I hurried to the opposite side of the table.

Space.

We needed space.

We needed like, another table and maybe a classroom and a couple of hallways between us.

"This was such a horrible idea, actually. Um...can we just-" I pulled my hair over my shoulder, trying to get my mind out of the gutter. Why was the bell _still _not ringing yet? And what was wrong with me?

"I just..." I took another breath. I shook my hands out in front of me. Was I having a hard time breathing? "Okay. So maybe, I should call Dr. Grant. She told me if I start-"

Logan scrubbed at his face. "Mary Anne, chill out. You're not crazy, okay? It's normal. We're being normal, I swear." He didn't take a step closer but he wouldn't stop looking at me. It felt like he was looking through me, like he could see all the thoughts forming in my mind. "You're not having a panic attack. It's just..." He threw his hands up. "We're horny teenagers. Give us an empty room and we're going to try to hook up. I promise you, it's not weird."

Now he actually was standing up and there was less space between us.

"Will you just stop?" I asked. "I don't care if it's normal or not normal. I care that we shouldn't be doing this. Especially at school." I grabbed my books. My energy drink was at the end of the table, next to where Logan was looking at me with a look of irritation and probably hurt.

Why was I doing this? It just didn't make sense. It's like I was toying with him and that wasn't okay. I didn't want to be that kind of person. I wanted to be the nice girl again. The one who didn't come home at three o'clock in the morning on a school night because she'd been having sex with her ex-boyfriend.

Her ex-boyfriend that she'd taken advantage of on multiple occasions and who currently had a girlfriend.

And I wanted to _not_ be the girl who had to take anxiety pills because she was prone to panic attacks and bouts of depression.

And also, I wanted to not know what it felt like to wake up sore because I'd been having a sex marathon after a few months of celibacy. That's not normal. That's not what being a teenager was supposed to be about.

I was supposed to be like, giddy cuz maybe a boy liked me and maybe I liked him and maybe if I played my cards right, he'd ask me to the dance.

I should be having slumber parties and trips to the mall with my friends. Not sneaking into empty classrooms for quickies before the bell rang.

But I didn't know how to say all of that. And I know Logan gets it but it's really annoying that he does because, you're not supposed to find someone that _gets it_ in high school. It means that you've already got your life figured out and there's no more room for growth. It means you've grown up way too fast. And I'm not ready to be a grown up yet. Or maybe I've grown up already and I'm still trying to be a kid. Sometimes, I can't tell. But I needed to get out of the classroom and away from Logan's psychic glare of...whatever. I don't even want to think about what his look meant.

"I'll just…see you in class later, okay?" I said, reaching behind me for the doorknob.

Despite all these stupid thoughts whirling through my brain, the main one, the big one that kept coming back was the one telling me that I was seriously overreacting for no reason and that I was over thinking things again. And that thought sounded suspiciously like Logan's voice and it had a really bad habit of always being right about me and I was so tired of it knowing me better than I did.

I closed the door firmly behind me and took a deep breath. Everyone in the hall was minding their own business, thank goodness. Kids were laughing and joking. Some were in groups with serious expressions on their faces. None of them were looking at me. And why would they? Other students were going in and out of classrooms up and down the halls. A glance at my watch told me the bell was going to ring any minute.

Thank God.

And then, like some weird angel of normalcy, Cokie was suddenly in my face.

"Where's Logan?" She demanded. "Grace said she saw you guys go into a classroom together."

I almost laughed, I was so relieved to see her. I probably would have hugged her if I knew she wasn't about to punch me. "Good morning to you to." I said, way too cheerfully. "Logan is actually right-"

I turned to point to the door just as Logan stepped out. He did not look as happy to see his girlfriend as I was. "Oh, hey." he said. He handed me my energy drink. "You left this in the room." His tone was accusing, like abandoning my energy drink was the most horrible crime I could commit.

"Oh." I said, uncertainly. "Thanks."

I held the can up to take a sip and Cokie smacked it out of my hand.

Instantly, all the commotion in the hallway died down. Everyone turned to look at us.

Okay. This wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I'd asked for regular teenage drama. My face burned. I hate being the center of attention and this felt suspiciously like yesterday at the craft shop.

"Um...that was kind of rude." I said lightly.

Cokie was literally inches from my face. I could smell her perfume, something annoyingly flowery and girly that reminded me of the Victoria's Secret at the mall. "I thought I told you to stay away from him." She practically spat."What fake ass sob story have you been telling him now?"

I didn't really know what to say. I had enough common sense to know that I needed to keep my hair covering my neck but other than that, all I could do was gape at her.

"Okay. We should go." Logan said trying to grab Cokie's arm. "Mary Anne and I were just talking about after school stuff. She didn't tell me you didn't want us talking."

Cokie, I think, took my hair flip as like an act of defiance.

"You can't honestly think you're hot shit. You're lucky I didn't beat your ass yesterday." Her glare narrowed and she stuck a finger in my face. "Stay the _fuck_ away from my man. I don't care how tight you think you are with his mom, she's not here to save you now. Get it through your half working skull, little girl. All these little middle school mind games you're trying to pull aren't going to work. Logan picked me. He loves me. Do us both a favor and go cry in your padded room."

There was a murmur from the crowd. I heard somebody say "Ooh! Burn!" and someone else say "Oh no, she di'iiin't!"

All I could do was keep pushing my hair down against my neck.

"Cokie, believe me." I said in what I hoped came off as a non-insulting tone. "We...I wasn't talking about you. I swear you weren't even remotely brought up. I was..."

I glanced back up at Logan for some sort of backup. He still had his hand on Cokie's arm. That was reassuring because even if I worded things wrong she wouldn't be able to slap me. But it was also annoying. He was always trying to get me to stick up for myself, like he thought I just let people walk all over me because I was too chicken to speak up.

And okay, yeah. I was. But that still wasn't something he should be forcing me to confront.

"We were just trying to coordinate our after school schedules." I said quickly. "We have tutoring today, remember? I wanted to make sure we spent as little time together as possible." I took another breath and grabbed a small strand of hair to twirl around my finger. Nothing that would show off my neck but I needed to calm down.

I'm pretty sure if I tried to smile at her, I'd deserve to be slapped. I was still waiting for the guilt to hit me. I wasn't lying to her, technically. But it wasn't like I was owning up to the fact that I had just been making out with her boyfriend.

"I don't want to start any trouble." I said as meekly as I could. The trick with her always seemed to be to act like I was actually afraid of what she would do.

She seemed to buy it. She took a step back and crossed her arms, her glare not straying from my face. "You will be if you try talking to him later. You're not talking to him anymore. I know what games you're trying to play, you self-righteous little skank."

"Cokie, seriously." Logan said. "Don't talk to her like that."

"And now you're sticking up for her?" She turned to him incredulously. I breathed a sigh of relief and took a step back. Everyone else seemed to realize there wasn't going to be a fight and were going back to their own stuff. "You're dating _me_, Logan. You know she's just a bitter stuck up prude. That's why Pete dumped her ass back in sophomore year."

He frowned down at her. "Cokie, that's not cool." He looked over at me. "Mary Anne, don't let her talk to you like that."

I think under normal circumstances I would have felt offended about the way Cokie talks to me.

But I'd slept with her boyfriend.

And I was currently hiding a hickey that he gave me.

And I felt no guilt about it whatsoever.

Maybe what she was saying wasn't very nice, but she was well within her right to be mad at both of us. And as much as I liked to tell Logan he was a jerk for using her the way he does, I'm really not any better. It's not like I want him to start dating me. Things between us are just so...convoluted, I guess. We have so much history and we know each other too well. We don't have secrets. We just have stuff we don't talk about. And his reason for dating Cokie is one of those things.

So, no. I don't feel like I had a right to defend myself. Instead, I shrugged as nonchalantly as I could, like as if I could care less about what a horrible person I was.

"It's fine Logan." I said in the same false bright voice I'd been using all morning. "I'm just going to go."

I made it about two steps before I walked straight into Cary.

"Hey!" Cary said, looking surprised but pleased. "I was just looking for you."

My stomach dropped. _Great. Another reason for me to feel horrible._

"Hi." I said. The smile on my face felt ridiculously forced. "I, uh...I guess you lucked out."

Cary nodded at something over my head and I turned in time to see Logan return it with one of his own.

"Did you wanna walk to class together?" Cary asked. "I promise I won't be such a dork this time."

Cokie snorted. "How fucking precious. Are you going to carry her books too?"

Cary shot her a withering glance before looking at Logan. "Dude, seriously. You need to do something about your girl. I know we have leash laws. Maybe you should shorten hers."

Cokie's face turned bright red.

Logan's was a mix of amusement and shock.

I didn't really know how to react.

I know Cary's never liked Cokie but that still seemed like a mean thing to say. Before I could think of a response, he was reaching for my books. "I can totally carry your stuff for you. Your hands look pretty full."

Now, I was blushing as I tried to keep my stuff out of his reach. I could feel, more than see Logan's eyes burning questions into the back of my skull. "I'm fine, really." Then I remembered my cardigan. "Actually, if you could just hold everything for like, two seconds while I get a sweater..." I said, handing him my stuff. I turned on my heel towards my locker. Logan raised his eyebrow at me as I rushed past him. But I ignored him. There wasn't really anything either else of us could say.

The first bell _finally_ rang as I opened my locker and tried to find the sweater. And I breathed a sigh of relief when I turned around and saw that Logan and Cokie were at the end of the hall. I could tell by her gesturing that she was going off about something. For a split second, it looked like he glanced back at me but I was trying to get my cardigan on without letting anyone in the hallway see the back of my neck. I don't know what it would have meant if we made eye contact.

Instead, I finished adjusting my sweater then nodded towards Cary. I held my arms out expectantly. "Ok. Can I have my stuff back, please?"

He grinned at me. "I will give you back your drink but I'm carrying your books. Think of it as my apology for being an ass last week."

I guess the gesture was sweet but it just made me feel worse. I know I hadn't promised him anything. If nothing else, I'd done a really great job of running away. But it still felt like I was leading him on.

"That's really not necessary, Cary." I said as I reached for my English binder.

He shook his head and took a step back. "Nuh-uh. I insist. And if you keep it up, I'll carry your books for the rest of the day. I won't even go to class. I'll be like one of those pathetic little puppies following you around all day." He meant it as a joke but my stomach churned with guilt.

I forced a smile and tried to keep my voice light. "Well, in that case we better hurry before the second bell rings."

"After you, m'lady." Cary said with a slight bow.

I couldn't help laughing. I curtsied, "Thank you, sir."

Just then the final bell rang and we took off sprinting down the hall.

It figures, now time would start speeding up.


End file.
